Newsletter February 20, 2025

Is America Experiencing an Infidelity Epidemic?

Daniel A. Cox

When it comes to the state of romance and relationships, recent news has been somewhat disheartening. A recent poll we conducted on this topic revealed a considerable amount of dating pessimism. Perhaps even more concerning was how common young people believe infidelity has become.

Young women are especially gloomy. Nearly six in ten young women (57 percent) and 44 percent of young men believe that infidelity among people in committed relationships is extremely common or very common in American society.

It’s not hard to see why. If you’ve spent any time on social media, you’ve likely come across excruciating stories about infidelity. Posts about cheating are tailor-made for virality, combining high emotional stakes, plenty of drama, and a compelling cast of victims and villains. On TikTok alone, there are more than 350 million posts on the topic of cheating. Across other social media platforms—such as Reddit, YouTube and Facebook—posts about infidelity are equally abundant.

But while relationship infidelity feels rampant in American society, evidence of America’s unfaithfulness is more difficult to pin down.

How Common is Infidelity?

Despite the prevalence of cheating content on social media, there is not much evidence that marital infidelity has increased dramatically in recent years. The General Social Survey shows that rates of extramarital sex have been relatively stable over the last couple of decades, even as the percentage of marriages has fallen. Given strong social norms against marital infidelity, getting people to admit to having an affair in surveys can be difficult. One study found respondents were six times more likely to admit to an affair under conditions of complete anonymity.

In some ways, marital infidelity is less relevant for young adults. As the age of first marriage edges closer to 30, young adults are spending much more of their early adulthood single, dating, or in nonmarital romantic relationships.

Unfortunately, when it comes to tracking the prevalence of relationship infidelity, there’s a lot we don’t know. A recent survey conducted by YouGov found that 50 percent of men and 58 percent of women report ever having had a spouse or partner cheat on them. But a large, nationally representative survey we conducted in 2023 puts those numbers significantly lower.¹ We found less than half (46 percent) of women and only 34 percent of men report that a partner or spouse has ever cheated on them. Both measures, however, may undercount the incidence of infidelity given that they only capture known occurrences.

The same YouGov survey found that one third of Americans report having cheated on their partner or spouse, although roughly one in five of those who reported cheating said it was exclusively emotional.

This raises another problem. Infidelity is a slippery concept because it is, to some degree, subjective. At minimum, it requires two things: the existence of a monogamous relationship and a violation of that commitment. But what counts as a violation is not always clear to both people. What one person defines as unfaithful—such as VR pornography—might be ok to someone else. Women are generally more likely than men to define a variety of different behaviors as cheating. For instance, 88 percent of women said kissing someone else is cheating, but less than three-quarters (73 percent) of men said the same.

The Social Media Problem 

Even if there’s a lack of compelling evidence that infidelity has increased, social media has certainly increased opportunities to stray. 

Social media puts you in contact with people well outside your normal social circle. James Sexton, a divorce lawyer, dubbed Facebook a “cheating machine” because of how easily it facilitates infidelity. He writes: “Facebook gives you the means, the excuse and the cover to communicate with people you have no reason, no business, to talk to.” Critically, social media platforms allow people to participate in these conversations privately and thus encourage more intimate exchanges. 

Social media provides people with opportunities to engage in a wider array of behaviors that might arguably fall in a relationship “gray area.” Is commenting on someone’s Instagram pictures cheating? What about messaging with an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend? The boundaries that couples set may vary considerably. 

This is to say nothing of the apps explicitly designed to aid and abet infidelity, such as Ashley Madison or Adult Friend Finder. Dating apps, such as Tinder, also make it much easier to set up a discreet rendezvous with a stranger, and there’s evidence that a significant number of those in committed relationships use them this way. One study found that more than one in ten married adults under 40 were still using dating apps. 

Having a partner cheat is undeniably a painful experience. One that can last years and impact future relationship behavior. A Pew poll found that close to half (42 percent) of young women in relationships report having snooped on their partner’s phone without their knowledge. But the uncertainty about what counts as cheating is an entirely different kind of problem, and one exacerbated by social media and other online platforms. Sites like Quora are awash with questions, posed primarily by women, about their partner’s online behavior: “My boyfriend likes every picture this girl posts on her Instagram and Facebook. Every single one. Does that mean he likes her and wants to date her?” She’s not alone. Nearly four in ten young women report having felt jealous or unsure about their relationship because of the way their partner engages with others on social media. 

Trust is the primary currency of every relationship; it determines whether it will thrive or fail. Relationships also require attention, a great deal of it. Social media is helpful in keeping us connected to all the various people we know from our current and past lives. Ironically, it can weaken social bonds as well, especially those with a partner or spouse, by demanding so much of our attention and sowing distrust in the process.  

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