The Confidence Trap

More young men are struggling with anxiety and self-doubt, but in dating are too often told they need to be confident

None of us can resist a bad first-date story. They are ubiquitous in American culture. And like a train wreck, it’s difficult to turn away.

Recently, I came across a particularly memorable example on TikTok. The narrator was recounting a recent dinner out with his wife at a packed restaurant that put them inches away from a young man and woman who were out on a blind date. Things fell apart almost immediately. Within 30 seconds of sitting down, the young man announced that he just returned from a business trip to China where he learned that “business and sex are often one in the same.” Things only deteriorated from there. The date ended with the young woman fleeing the restaurant.

Bad dating stories abound on the Internet. And although admittedly anecdotal, men appear to be responsible for a disproportionate share of these dating disasters. Surveys provide some corroboration. A recent Pew survey found that among singles, women were far more likely than men to say it was difficult to find someone who meets their expectations. What’s more, men and women agree that it is men, more than women, who have unrealistic standards when it comes to dating.

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