Newsletter February 9, 2023

Male Friendships Are Not Doing the Job

Daniel A. Cox

In a video posted on social media, a distraught young woman recounts receiving this message moments before her date arrived to pick her up.  

“Alright you shallow bitch, don’t judge my car.” 

Confused and alarmed, the young woman expressed her discomfort at which point her would-be date grew defensive. He eventually texted an apology. But it was too little, too late.  

You could chalk it up to another example of men behaving badly. Except, I don’t think that’s quite it. There are so many of these stories. As I’ve noted previously, these “dating disasters” seem to disproportionately involve men making cringey, inappropriate, or offensive comments.  

I don’t think most men are purposefully trying to sabotage their romantic opportunities. Rather, compared to women, men often have far less experience communicating openly about their feelings, expectations, and needs. Many women develop these skills through their friends. Men don’t, and that’s a critical deficit.

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